This morning is the first day I’ve woken up feeling moderately human. I actually woke at 7:12am saying is it monday? is it monday? OMG I’m going to be late. As it turns out, it is sunday; but when you’ve been off work for a week, trapped at home, and hopped up on drugs, you lose track of time.
I was starting to feel better yesterday. Actually got a shower and out of the house for a few minutes, even if just to go buy dog food. I had to get out of the house as I was on the verge of a tiny meltdown. I really miss Portland. I miss my neighborhood Vietnamese restaurant with my favorite pho (extra important when sick). I miss being able to walk to the grocery store. I miss all the weird creative types. and I really, REALLY miss my friends and community dinners.
I am trying so hard to meet new people and I have made some wonderful, wonderful new friends. But starting from scratch is so hard. My favorite new friend and I bonded over a moment at a women’s get-to-know-you game, where I gave a true glimpse of the real Lula. One of the ladies said I find it so hard to make new friends now that I’m over 40. Off the cuff, without even thinking, I said “I find it so hard to make new friends because most of the time I’m thinking you’re an idiot and I wish you’d just shut the fuck up.” This got a laugh from the table, but I immediately worried who I had offended. Little did I know, my message was received and shared by two of the ladies at the table.
So often since coming to Memphis, I feel like I’m speaking a foreign language. People don’t say what they mean and don’t mean what they say. So me, in my true self, speak frankly and honestly, cannot get anyone to give me a straight answer because they aren’t actually hearing the words I am saying, and not interpreting them in the literal sense I intend. I’ve never been good at game playing, other than to stir the pot. I’m a master pot-stirrer 😉
Other than going to church, or volunteering, how do you recommend connecting with other people? I’m looking for any and all suggestions, no matter how ridiculous.