Confession time. I LOVED the Gilmore Girls. It was a fast, funny, smart tv show that focused on a woman my age struggling to get her footing in the world. Other than the fact I did not get knocked up in high school, I related to these characters on so many levels.
I remember the first time I heard the word ennui. Being a word nerd, I loved this new word. It sounded so intriguing and mysterious. Now, I’ve had ennui for about a year and a half now and I’m ready to be over it.
What is this, you ask…
Merriam Webster defines ennui as: a feeling of weariness and dissatisfaction : boredom
the kind of ennui that comes from having too much time on one’s hands and too little will to find something productive to do.
Synonyms: blahs or doldrums
I remember my mother saying something about the doldrums when I was a kid, but who knew what that really meant. Now I know. A supreme feeling of disinterest and dissatisfaction.
Since I broke my shoulder last April, I’ve been cranky, unsociable, and intolerant. Who am I kidding?! I’ve been a colossal bitch! Last month I had surgery on my shoulder and was off work for two weeks. Upon my return, I found I had even less tolerance for my coworkers than usual. The sound of their cell phones constantly dinging grated on my nerves. Their inane chatter about fried chicken, diets, and couponing nearly drove me to hurt someone. So for the last month, I’ve plugged in my headphones and blocked out as much of my surroundings as I could.
I took a long weekend for myself and other than the barest of commitments, I had four days of ME TIME. It was glorious and I found entering the building on Tuesday morning not so annoying.
My header says, this space is for cooking, crafting, AND self discovery. Well, I am dragging myself out of this ennui and I find writing a good outlet. I feel better when I get the clutter out of my head and on paper (or iPhone as the case may be). It is so incredibly difficult to admit the unhappiness I have felt. When we open up and share (as I’ve admitted I’m not good at), we find we aren’t as alone as we feel in those times.
I mentioned the other day, I’m finding inspiration in my daily walks, taking in the beauty that is all around me, and slowly getting back to finding the humor in the absurd life that surrounds us.
A couple of sidebars: I’ve added a few extra links, in case you’ve missed my earlier rants and musings.
And I spent last night sleeping (not sleeping – writing this), in a thunderstorm, with no power, on the floor with my fraidy, flatulant dog. I clearly win best dog mom award