Express yourself 

I’m not talking about expressing emotions or expressing one’s opinions. I am talking about expressing anal glands. Are you going to leave here today armed with the knowledge to express your pet’s anal glands? No. Your take away is I don’t have the slightest clue how to express an anal gland. 

Why, oh why, would someone think to send me this:


I cannot imagine what I have done to make this person think this skill is even remotely in my repertoire. 

Google is my lifeline and now that 97% of all civilized humanity has a “smart” phone, there is no earthly reason to ask anyone this question other than your veterinarian.  And when I suggested she contact the vet next door, I jest not, it’s the driveway you pass immediately before ours! How do you not see the giant red sign that says EMERGENCY VET?!

This is one of those moments that just makes me laugh. I swear some higher being sits around and thinks who can I fuck with today? Ooh ooh, let’s ask her the most ridiculous question we can think of. I’m in for $50 she knows the answer. 

The other thing that struck me odd about this text is WHO is smelling their dog’s ass? I cannot even begin to think why anal glands were believed to be the culprit of the odor. Very often Coe will let loose these almost silent, little puffs of a fart while she’s napping. These delicate little pouffs are sometimes so noxious they can peel paint. I just think, no more asparagus (broccoli, cauliflower, garlic…) for you. Not once have I ever thought, we need to express your anal glands. 

I’ve think expressed enough for one day myself.  

Published by Lula Harp

I'm a mad scientist trying to find my tools.

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