Toast Tuesday: A Reflection on Stupidity

Oh the things we drank back when we were too young and stupid to know better. I can think of a couple of ridiculous things I did and I’m sure I’ll be getting a text shortly from my old college chum saying oh you forgot that one time…

Since Meg and I both knew we’d fail in the official Year of Drinking Adventurously assignment, we decided to horrify and delight you with tales from our past. 

My 21st birthday seems so tame looking back. I moved to Oregon when I was 20 and so spent my 21st stumbling around with new college friends I’ve since lost track of. There are a couple of things I recall quite distinctly from that night. Dinner at some Mexican joint where I had to wear a ridiculous sombrero while they sang Happy Birthday and I did tequila shots. This was my first true experience with tequila and it’s amazing I found such a love for it all the years later with how badly it treated me that night. That is not the case in this next tale. 

Today I’m going to regale you with a spectacular episode. A learning experience of the highest order. Take note…. Do not EVER make Jell-O shots using everclear. I’m going to let that one sink in for a moment. (Insert some elevator music…)

Now, let me add a few more details. A) I didn’t make shots, I made a BOWL of jello. And ate most of it myself. B) Think back to Star Wars and picture Jabba the Hutt… his body double was in the fraternity I was a little sister to. I knew I was royally screwed when I walked into a room and saw TWO of him.

I’ll admit, there’s a lot of this evening I cannot recall. I have never before, or ever since, been this drunk. Though that time in DC was close, but way less humiliating. I am truly thankful that I had a good friend in the fraternity president. We become much better friends after I puked on him three times that night.

The next morning when I woke in some strange bed (that happened to be the president’s) and he was laying in a bed across the room giving me the stink eye. It was quickly determined I would not be playing in that afternoon’s volleyball game. Once it had been determined I wasn’t going to die or puke again, Mr President and another “friend” took great pleasure in playing an assortment of music to torture me. 

Just in case you are unsure of what Everclear is, it is pure grain alcohol. Essentially, the highest proof stuff you can legally buy. There’s no prettifying it, it’s high proof swill that will light your insides on fire. 

Needless to say, I never drank everclear again and to this day I cannot eat jell-o.