Always a student

To say I was a poor student when I was in school, would be an understatement. I’m certain now I had ADD. I was bored. I wasn’t interested in anything they were teaching. I couldn’t focus on any goal despite all the prizes and bribes my parents offered.

When my mother was here recently, we had some good chats. I don’t recall how this particular conversation came about, but we talked about how much I didn’t enjoy school. She said something about how I was always reading. My response was, I was reading what I wanted to read and not what I was being made to read.

There was never a question if I was going to college. It was implied, assumed, a given. There was no option, as there seems to be now. I went. I drank. I went to football games. I occassionally went to classes. I never studied. It wasn’t until my junior year I made some decent grades because I was finally taking classes that were interesting, not just mandatory to make me a well rounded human.

For years, I fumbled around professionally. What in the hell are you supposed to do with a liberal arts degree? English and art. Sure, I can carry on a conversation with a wall. Great! You’ve just been pigeon-holed into sales! I hate selling. No. Ok. But I will admit, because I have the gift of gab, I was kinda good at it.

It has only been in maybe… the last ten years or so, that I’ve discovered some things about myself. Evidently I’m quite analytical. I’m really good at research. I’m a good project manager because I’m task oriented. I had NO FUCKING IDEA!!! Really… The first time I friend of mine said he liked how I worked, I had no idea what he was talking about. Then when he explained, I was stunned. What are you talking about?! I am not organized. People are doing this just because I asked/told them to?! What?!

It’s amazing the things we learn about ourselves when we aren’t looking, aren’t being force fed the status quo.

I have a woman in my circle of friends. I won’t call her a friend despite the fact I have regular interactions with her. She really is a sweet woman. But holy moly, she is dumber than a box of rocks. In my day job, I teach kindergarten (not really… but sort of), and I will say the same thing to this woman 3 or 4 different ways and she still can’t figure out what I’m trying to communicate. This is where I step back. Take a deep breath. Analyze what I am saying. Try and figure out where the holes are. It’s always the same answer. Her.

To quote Meg, I have to learn where to put this bag of fertilizer, so as not to stink up the whole place. I have to learn how to cope with this situation. Learn one more skill. Find another tool in my toolbox.

Now where is that darn toolbox?

Today’s #writing101 assignment was to pick a tweet and run with it. What did it make us think of?  My last few posts have been more stream on consciousness. Just pulling a thread and seeing how it unravels.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, so please leave a few.

Published by Lula Harp

I'm a mad scientist trying to find my tools.

18 thoughts on “Always a student

  1. It’s good and funny and easy to read but I didn’t get some of your exploits. I was a late developer so they told me – “Garth could do better if he tried a bit harder.” I look back on it as a missed opportunity. Great piece of passionate writing Lula. Good luck with the rest of the course.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Debbie- I’ve got a draft I’ve been working on re curse words. Early in my blogging I did sensor myself. But found that if I’m writing in my voice and being true to myself, I should not sensor. I let the thoughts flow as they come into my head. I appreciate your honest feedback and your post on pet peeves.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Maybe you want to think about your voice? Food for thought.
        It just hurts my spirit to be around curse words. My daughter and her husband were cursing regularly – until they read my post. Both want to move up the ladder but foul language hurts their chances.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Debbie, I could not agree more!! The caps and fowl language stooped me from reading any ferther. But I did and I saw that she said darn. What is up with the inconsistency. I I cannot tweet this either.
    Disappointed in Kansas

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I hear you on the fact that school was boring. I was constantly being kept in from recess on detention because I daydreamed during class. My report cards from 2nd grade on always had a comment from the teacher, “Debbie could do so much better if she would pay attention.” or ” Debbie is capable of so much more if she would just apply herself.” My Mom always said she didn’t expect A’s or B’s, but she did expect at least C’s. Looking back, I think she should have expected more from me, challenged me to do better. When I finally decided I wanted to go to college and learn as much as I could, I surprised myself by being the A student nobody expected.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow! Did I hire you to write my biography? I am also a liberal arts major and didn’t know what to do with my diploma. It was also no question in my going to college–it was already determined. Librarianship just landed in my lap (with some help from my dad). I didn’t really buckle down until I was a sophomore and was almost ready to lose my scholarship. I now preach to everyone that goes to school to not start off in a hole, like I did, because it is so hard to dig yourself out!

    I also understand the frustration with trying to work with someone that just doesn’t get it. I used to think that these situations were my fault, I wasn’t getting it or I wasn’t explaining things correctly, and although that was true once or twice, there are just people out there that do not have common sense or ability to comprehend. Nothing like an interaction like that to remind myself that people are all not the same and we just don’t come from the same back round.

    Even though it doesn’t bother me, I feel compelled to mention that your decision to not censor doesn’t affect my interest in reading your posts. I let my f words fly left and right because those are the words that want to come out. I like to joke that I’m an English major and I need to know and use ALL words, not just the pretty, accepted ones. To each her own.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Don’t give up! the world needs the arts. Without us BAs who’s going to invent, design, create the things for all the MBAs with no talent to buy. Seriously. I think liberal arts programs need to offer courses in self-confidence so BAs can graduate with a sense that doing the things we deep down were meant to do but fear that we can’t because it’s not acceptable/normal/”what everyone else is doing”.

    We all have a calling. It just takes time to truly hear it. I’ll be 50 y.o. when I finish my 3-year training for my next career (career #4 actually) but I know this is what I was meant to do. Just took exploring many paths to get to this point…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know… without us liberal artsy- fartsy types, the world would be incredibly boring and wouldn’t be nearly as pretty. And I agree, there needs to be some focus on how what we do and what we contribute is just as valuable as the folks who get an MBA.


  6. Don’t change a fucking thing about your voice. Curse words aren’t a threat to your intelligence. And, judgmental suggestions are not considered valid food for thought. Be you…degree, or no degree and curse word after curse word!

    Liked by 1 person

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